A few weeks ago I had a chance to speak during the DTR series about “Breaking Up to the Glory of God.” In the introduction to that message I made some comments about the importance of developing a solid theology of dating and I wanted to elaborate on those thoughts. The basic idea is that even Christians with a good understanding of theology oftentimes do not put their beliefs into practice when it comes to dating. Although they might profess to believe in particular aspects of biblical theology, they live as though they don’t. James exhorts believers not to be mere hearers of the Word, but doers also (James 1:22). In particular, it isn’t enough to have a correct understanding of God and His Word if you are not willing to allow your beliefs to affect your thinking.
Here are some examples of how I have witnessed people doing this (and how I have done this as well!)…
The Glory of God. When it comes to the glory of God, every good Christian knows what Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 10:31. Everything you do, regardless of how mundane, is supposed to be for the glory of God. The glory of God is really supposed to be the ultimate motivation behind everything a person does because God is worthy of all glory and honor and praise. When you seek to enter into a dating relationship, it becomes tempting to have personal desires take precedence over God’s will. You may seek to live for personal satisfaction rather than the glory of God, and that which should take ultimate priority takes a back seat. When you do not get what you want, you have sinful attitudes of doubting and complaining. This manifests that you do not seek God's glory as much as you ought.
The Sovereignty of God. Psalm 103:19 states, “The LORD has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all.” You may have come to the conviction that God is sovereign over all things. The Bible even teaches that God is sovereign over a person’s salvation (Eph. 1:5), and many Christians are happy to accept this because they know that they would never have sought after God if He had not have first chosen them. When it comes to dating, though, practically you may exhibit a lack of trust in the sovereignty of God. Questions may flood into your mind like, “What if I don’t act soon enough?” or “What if he/she starts dating someone else?” All of a sudden, because you are gripped with getting what you want, you abandon your belief in the sovereignty of God and try to manipulate and control circumstances on your own. You must act because you doubt that the Lord will act on your behalf. You doubt that God is in control and so you take matters into your own hands.
The Goodness of God. James tells us that every good thing and every perfect gift is from our heavenly Father (James 1:17). Why is it that in the context of dating you tend to question God’s goodness so much? When things don’t go your way, you question whether God is good. “Why would God give me such longings only to not let me have what I want?” Ultimately, this is the wrong question to ask. The correct question is, “Why aren’t my desires in line with God’s desires for my life?” God is a good God, but somehow you may be tempted to doubt this if you do not end up with the person you had hoped for.
The Wisdom of God. Perhaps you are sure that a certain guy or gal is the one for you. When that person does not feel the same way as you, do you question whether God knows what He is doing? Perhaps you need to meditate on Romans 11:33-36 and the awesome wisdom of God. You ought not to act as though God is mistaken. He is infinitely wise and knows how to govern your life in the best way.
The Omniscience and Omnipresence of God. If you find yourself in the context of dating, and you have a clear understanding that God is always there and always watching, you would be less susceptible to sexual sin. Solomon says to his son in the context of warning him against sexual sin, “For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, And He watches all his paths” (Prov. 5:21). Do you live as though God is always there and that He is always watching? Psalm 139:1-12 speaks about God’s amazing omnipresence and omniscience, but in a dating context you may live as though you think God is blind or absent.
The Sufficiency of Scripture. When it comes to the theology of the Bible, many would argue that the Bible doesn’t say anything about dating. I know what these people mean, that one will not find the idea of dating in any Bible concordance and that there is no chapter and verse on dating in particular. My greatest question in response, though, is if the Bible gives no wisdom about dating, where do you turn for that wisdom? 2 Timothy 3:16-17 and Psalm 19:7-11 speak of the sufficiency of the Word of God. In it we find the instructions for life and God’s requirements of us. It is the standard of truth that all other worldly wisdom must answer to. If the Bible says nothing about dating, giving no principles to help those in a dating context, then how can a person know how he or she is supposed to date? Would you rather turn to Oprah, movies, or your friends? Where are you going to get the guidance that is necessary to pursue a dating relationship that honors God if not from the Bible?
The Authority of Scripture. Even after a person seeks the Scriptures for principles that are applicable in a dating context, they do not always abide by them. When you act against clear principles from God’s Word, you manifest a distrust in the authority of Scripture. You would rather turn to another authority and reason for yourself what is right or wrong. The nation of Israel was guilty of this and fell into moral ruin. God says the reason why they did this was because, “In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (Judges 21:25). So often we think it is wise to act on what our hearts tell us. We think God is giving us peace about our decisions because we feel good about them. But the Bible says that our hearts are deceitful and sick (Jer. 17:9). Because of our sinfulness, our minds have been tainted by sin (cf. Gen. 6:5; Rom. 1:21-22). It is because of sin’s impact on the mind that our hearts are not the best determiner of what is sound. We need to seek the authority of God’s Word because without it we are like people in the dark with no light to lead us (Ps. 119:105).
These are just a few examples of how we demonstrate the weakness of our theology in the context of dating and relationships. We would be wise to be more consistent. It is not enough to have a load of head knowledge about God and His Word if you are not willing to live as though you believe it. God is not out to kill your fun. He desires the best for you. When you trust in His character, even when things do not go your way, you can hope that He has a better plan in store for you. Practicing good theology is vital to surviving the "dating game"! I cannot imagine how I would have survived all the anxiety, rejection, and loneliness if I did not have the sound principles and teaching from God's Word. It is not that I practiced everything perfectly either. As one of my seminary professors said, "Dating is a cruel, hard game... but we must all play that game." What better way to tackle one of the most significant decisions in your life than to seek God's Word for wisdom and guidance?
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
Membership Interviews
John and I are in the middle of conducting membership interviews for the church and so far it has been a tremendous encouragement and joy. It is always a blessing to hear of how God has brought people out of their sinful way of living and placed them in Christ. The testimonies of those coming out for membership have been incredible and we praise God for His work in their lives. Every time a person is convinced of the truth of the gospel and repents of their sin, it magnifies the grace of God and His glory.
It is also encouraging to hear what people are drawn to when they come to Lighthouse. Of course, people want to grow in the teaching of God's Word so that they can be equipped to live their lives the best they can for God's glory. But it is great to hear how people are drawn by the love of the members here for one another. So often in churches that emphasize truth, there is a lack of an emphasis on love. People have this idea that truth is a bunch of cold-hearted facts that must be communicated in a harsh, condescending way. So far as we can see, the members at Lighthouse really have learned to stand for the truth in a loving and gracious way.
I just wanted to encourage the church that people take notice of your love for God and one another. They are drawn to the church because of it.
"9 Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; 10 for indeed you do practice it toward all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, to excel still more." 1 Thessalonians 4:9-10.
It is also encouraging to hear what people are drawn to when they come to Lighthouse. Of course, people want to grow in the teaching of God's Word so that they can be equipped to live their lives the best they can for God's glory. But it is great to hear how people are drawn by the love of the members here for one another. So often in churches that emphasize truth, there is a lack of an emphasis on love. People have this idea that truth is a bunch of cold-hearted facts that must be communicated in a harsh, condescending way. So far as we can see, the members at Lighthouse really have learned to stand for the truth in a loving and gracious way.
I just wanted to encourage the church that people take notice of your love for God and one another. They are drawn to the church because of it.
"9 Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; 10 for indeed you do practice it toward all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, to excel still more." 1 Thessalonians 4:9-10.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Pursuing a Gentle and Quiet Spirit
DTR2 Q&A
Question: How does one pursue developing a gentle and quiet spirit as found in 1 Peter 3:4?
Answer:
As discussed this past Sunday at the DTR2 session, I shared about various qualities one should look for in a God-honoring relationship. For the ladies, one of the first qualities that was brought up was that of a gentle and quiet spirit. What does it mean to have a gentle and quiet spirit and how does one pursue nurturing such a quality?
The word "gentle" refers to the character quality that is most marked by a humble and kind spirit that provides the basis for submission, which is the primary quality being addressed in 1 Peter 3:1, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husband." Now someone might get distracted at this point and say, "I'm not a wife yet!", but that would be to rush too quickly to judgment.
The quality of gentleness is one that stems from being filled with the Holy Spirit. In Galatians 5:22-23, the fruit of the Spirit is characterized in a nine-fold display of one who is walking in the Spirit (Gal. 5:16). So gentleness is not simply reserved for wives alone but is to be characteristic of every Christian, men included.
For those that might minimize the importance of gentleness, it was displayed in none other than our Lord Jesus Christ Himself as the Scriptures express the following:
Matthew 11:29
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 21:5
Say to the daughter of Zion, "Behold your King is coming to you, gentle, mounted on a donkey, even on a colt, the foal of beast of burden."
2 Corinthians 10:1
Now I, Paul myself urge you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ - I who am meek when face to face with you, but bold toward you when absent!
Our Lord displayed this trait of gentleness, which no doubt would lead us to consider how we might imitate Him. Consider He who is King of kings and He is exalted in being proclaimed "gentle" and even when the apostle Paul is exhorting the believers in Corinth, he appeals to them with the gentleness of Christ. It is an observation this is truly noteworthy for it uplifts this character trait from the stereotypical view of those being gentle equates to those who are weak.
Ladies, to display gentleness in your heart and spirit is not a sign of weakness or a lowering of value as the world might portray it. It is to follow in the very footsteps of Christ and it would be no small thing to display this trait, even in a dating relationship because first and foremost, you should be cultivating this quality simply because you are a Christian. But there is a special relevance as it relates to the role that you are to prepare for and that is to be a submissive wife.
Carefully consider the exhortations relating to gentleness in Scripture:
Matthew 5:5
Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
Philippians 4:5
Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
Titus 3:1-2
Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.
Ephesians 4:1-2
Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Note how these passages are all relational in nature and it is not a sign of weakness but actually that of power. The gentle will inherit the earth!
I remember when growing up my mom gave me a devotion that she had heard from somewhere that gentleness was "power under control." This is very true. It is not a sign of weakness but it actually is a sign of strength. There is nothing more difficult than to show gentleness when confronted with conflict and when someone might be making life very difficult for you and you feel justified in getting angry and upset and letting your emotions out. That is why it is impossible to be truly gentle apart from the power of the Holy Spirit in those situations.
Gentleness is also the key to all relationships, even in relation to being submissive to the governing authorities. It is also key in how we display our high calling in Christ and it is what contributes to true unity in the church.
How true then would it be for any kind of relationship to grow and flourish? Ladies, your contribution to a God-honoring relationship for the long-term will depend on your commitment to growing a gentle spirit. So how is it possible?
This is where the next word "quiet" comes in to play. The idea of being quiet is just that, to be quiet. There is an appropriate time speak and to voice your opinions but there is also a time, maybe even more so to be quiet in your demeanor and disposition. The idea of "quiet" also belies a stillness or tranquility of spirit, one that is unaffected by the emotional turmoil that often causes many to end up being obnoxious and nasty, especially in their words and attitudes toward others. The idea of a gentle heart really is found and evidenced when someone is able to show self-control and show that the peace of God reigns in their hearts.
Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Note that these two verses follow verse 5, which mentions the idea of gentleness. When there are times of anxiety, which no doubt comes up quite often in the whole issue of dating relationships, whether you are in one or not, the key here is to have a spirit that is characterized by being at peace. A quiet spirit is one that truly experiences the peace of God and it will then coincide with the display of gentleness, regardless of the circumstances but especially in light of difficult circumstances. Too many ladies are quick to discard gentleness to the wind when confronted with various situations and while it might be understandable from the world's perspective to get upset and angry and to really run roughshod over a person, it is a far cry from one who is called to be living sacrifice before God. This is where we cannot afford to be conformed to the world but instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds with wisdom from above, which incidentally includes gentleness as being characteristic of heavenly wisdom (Jam. 3:17).
One last thing to note going back to 1 Peter 3:4. When women are challenged to exhibit a gentle and quiet spirit, you must consider that there are two significant things about it that make it important. First, it is an imperishable quality, that is, it is incorruptible and has an eternal quality about it. It is not subject to cultural revision or a changing of the times. It is a quality that when displayed in a God-honoring way is timeless. Second, it is a quality that is precious in the sight of God. It is the inner beauty of the heart that God sees as most valuable. Just as when Samuel was looking for a king out of the sons of Jesse, God admonished his short-sightedness when he thought the first-born was going to be chosen. "God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (1 Sam. 16:7).
Ladies, if you desire to see the glory of God be displayed in your life, it will not be by focusing on the external adornment that this world so quickly turns to in order to define "beauty" but instead it is to focus on the hidden person of the heart. Beauty that is honoring before God is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit and you cannot allow the lies of the world to convince you otherwise. Just like the serpent in the garden in Genesis 3, the world will say, "Indeed did God say?" and will get you to question the Lordship of Christ in your life.
Men, you also need to consider the priority of inner beauty as you consider your relationships with women. What do you truly value and what are you attracted to when it comes to ladies? If you do not see spiritual qualities such as a gentle and quiet spirit before you go looking, you will most likely find out, and sadly find out later that you will have wished for this quality to be present when you find yourself with someone who might be physically attractive but lacking severely in this area and you will find yourself miserable with a "beautiful" woman. It has been show time and time again - can't you just watch the news and see the drama of our celebrity world as it is awash in glamour and appearances, only to find that it as Solomon said, "Vanity of vanities!"
So what are some practical ways to develop and practice a gentle and quiet spirit?
1. In your speech
Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
What side will you find yourself on this verse? Gentle words or harsh words? Be careful the next time you talk with anyone, but especially those that are close to you, like family and friends. Note the tone of your voice and ask yourself if God would be glorified with harsh words or gentle words. If you are really brave, ask those that you really want to help you to hold you accountable in this area. But you really need to mean it because it will be tremendously difficult. But if anything, it will remind you to discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.
2. In correction
Galatians 6:1
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.
When you find yourself in a position to correct someone, take a moment to remember that if you really do consider yourself to be spiritually mature, then your correction will take on a tone of gentleness, never out of anger or bitterness or resentment. Too often you can crush a person's spirit when correcting. Consider many children who while they admittedly need correction, only have their hearts bruised and eventually hardened by the harsh tone of correction that is expressed.
Ladies, when you feel hurt or think that the guy is being insensitive or otherwise unkind to you in some way, if you presume yourself to be acting in a God-honoring fashion, a gentle and quiet spirit means that you will not allow yourself to be drawn into a judgmental attitude and then unleash on the other person harsh words that are condemning in nature. You will in fact only condemn yourself to your hypocrisy as you will no doubt find yourself in the other shoes and then you will have nothing to say because your own words will condemn you. Take time to first exercise self-control in your heart and then make sure your words are gentle and quiet. Remember that you will be held accountable for every word that you utter.
Another thing that you as ladies can do is to pursue Titus 2 relationships with older godly women who can practically walk you through what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Now you will have to choose wisely because not all older women in the church necessarily display this kind of quality. But when you do find one (remember they won't be perfect), you need to really grab a hold of that relationship and squeeze them for every ounce of wisdom you can get because it is priceless to have such influences in your life.
For those who have heard me share about them before, Fred and Mary Barshaw were an older couple at Grace Community Church that really impacted my marriage with Angela. Both were such kind and gentle spirits that every time we would talk with them, they would exude the kind of examples that we really cherished and valued. I can't help but notice that there are too few of these kind of examples these days. If there is anything that would be worthwhile to pursue, it would be to have the kind of gentle and quiet spirit that really reflects spiritual strength, stability, and maturity that will then bode well for a relationship in any context, but especially a dating relationship that will hopefully one day lead to marriage.
Well, a long answer to question #1. Hope that helps.
Question: How does one pursue developing a gentle and quiet spirit as found in 1 Peter 3:4?
Answer:
As discussed this past Sunday at the DTR2 session, I shared about various qualities one should look for in a God-honoring relationship. For the ladies, one of the first qualities that was brought up was that of a gentle and quiet spirit. What does it mean to have a gentle and quiet spirit and how does one pursue nurturing such a quality?
The word "gentle" refers to the character quality that is most marked by a humble and kind spirit that provides the basis for submission, which is the primary quality being addressed in 1 Peter 3:1, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husband." Now someone might get distracted at this point and say, "I'm not a wife yet!", but that would be to rush too quickly to judgment.
The quality of gentleness is one that stems from being filled with the Holy Spirit. In Galatians 5:22-23, the fruit of the Spirit is characterized in a nine-fold display of one who is walking in the Spirit (Gal. 5:16). So gentleness is not simply reserved for wives alone but is to be characteristic of every Christian, men included.
For those that might minimize the importance of gentleness, it was displayed in none other than our Lord Jesus Christ Himself as the Scriptures express the following:
Matthew 11:29
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 21:5
Say to the daughter of Zion, "Behold your King is coming to you, gentle, mounted on a donkey, even on a colt, the foal of beast of burden."
2 Corinthians 10:1
Now I, Paul myself urge you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ - I who am meek when face to face with you, but bold toward you when absent!
Our Lord displayed this trait of gentleness, which no doubt would lead us to consider how we might imitate Him. Consider He who is King of kings and He is exalted in being proclaimed "gentle" and even when the apostle Paul is exhorting the believers in Corinth, he appeals to them with the gentleness of Christ. It is an observation this is truly noteworthy for it uplifts this character trait from the stereotypical view of those being gentle equates to those who are weak.
Ladies, to display gentleness in your heart and spirit is not a sign of weakness or a lowering of value as the world might portray it. It is to follow in the very footsteps of Christ and it would be no small thing to display this trait, even in a dating relationship because first and foremost, you should be cultivating this quality simply because you are a Christian. But there is a special relevance as it relates to the role that you are to prepare for and that is to be a submissive wife.
Carefully consider the exhortations relating to gentleness in Scripture:
Matthew 5:5
Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
Philippians 4:5
Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
Titus 3:1-2
Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.
Ephesians 4:1-2
Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Note how these passages are all relational in nature and it is not a sign of weakness but actually that of power. The gentle will inherit the earth!
I remember when growing up my mom gave me a devotion that she had heard from somewhere that gentleness was "power under control." This is very true. It is not a sign of weakness but it actually is a sign of strength. There is nothing more difficult than to show gentleness when confronted with conflict and when someone might be making life very difficult for you and you feel justified in getting angry and upset and letting your emotions out. That is why it is impossible to be truly gentle apart from the power of the Holy Spirit in those situations.
Gentleness is also the key to all relationships, even in relation to being submissive to the governing authorities. It is also key in how we display our high calling in Christ and it is what contributes to true unity in the church.
How true then would it be for any kind of relationship to grow and flourish? Ladies, your contribution to a God-honoring relationship for the long-term will depend on your commitment to growing a gentle spirit. So how is it possible?
This is where the next word "quiet" comes in to play. The idea of being quiet is just that, to be quiet. There is an appropriate time speak and to voice your opinions but there is also a time, maybe even more so to be quiet in your demeanor and disposition. The idea of "quiet" also belies a stillness or tranquility of spirit, one that is unaffected by the emotional turmoil that often causes many to end up being obnoxious and nasty, especially in their words and attitudes toward others. The idea of a gentle heart really is found and evidenced when someone is able to show self-control and show that the peace of God reigns in their hearts.
Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Note that these two verses follow verse 5, which mentions the idea of gentleness. When there are times of anxiety, which no doubt comes up quite often in the whole issue of dating relationships, whether you are in one or not, the key here is to have a spirit that is characterized by being at peace. A quiet spirit is one that truly experiences the peace of God and it will then coincide with the display of gentleness, regardless of the circumstances but especially in light of difficult circumstances. Too many ladies are quick to discard gentleness to the wind when confronted with various situations and while it might be understandable from the world's perspective to get upset and angry and to really run roughshod over a person, it is a far cry from one who is called to be living sacrifice before God. This is where we cannot afford to be conformed to the world but instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds with wisdom from above, which incidentally includes gentleness as being characteristic of heavenly wisdom (Jam. 3:17).
One last thing to note going back to 1 Peter 3:4. When women are challenged to exhibit a gentle and quiet spirit, you must consider that there are two significant things about it that make it important. First, it is an imperishable quality, that is, it is incorruptible and has an eternal quality about it. It is not subject to cultural revision or a changing of the times. It is a quality that when displayed in a God-honoring way is timeless. Second, it is a quality that is precious in the sight of God. It is the inner beauty of the heart that God sees as most valuable. Just as when Samuel was looking for a king out of the sons of Jesse, God admonished his short-sightedness when he thought the first-born was going to be chosen. "God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (1 Sam. 16:7).
Ladies, if you desire to see the glory of God be displayed in your life, it will not be by focusing on the external adornment that this world so quickly turns to in order to define "beauty" but instead it is to focus on the hidden person of the heart. Beauty that is honoring before God is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit and you cannot allow the lies of the world to convince you otherwise. Just like the serpent in the garden in Genesis 3, the world will say, "Indeed did God say?" and will get you to question the Lordship of Christ in your life.
Men, you also need to consider the priority of inner beauty as you consider your relationships with women. What do you truly value and what are you attracted to when it comes to ladies? If you do not see spiritual qualities such as a gentle and quiet spirit before you go looking, you will most likely find out, and sadly find out later that you will have wished for this quality to be present when you find yourself with someone who might be physically attractive but lacking severely in this area and you will find yourself miserable with a "beautiful" woman. It has been show time and time again - can't you just watch the news and see the drama of our celebrity world as it is awash in glamour and appearances, only to find that it as Solomon said, "Vanity of vanities!"
So what are some practical ways to develop and practice a gentle and quiet spirit?
1. In your speech
Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
What side will you find yourself on this verse? Gentle words or harsh words? Be careful the next time you talk with anyone, but especially those that are close to you, like family and friends. Note the tone of your voice and ask yourself if God would be glorified with harsh words or gentle words. If you are really brave, ask those that you really want to help you to hold you accountable in this area. But you really need to mean it because it will be tremendously difficult. But if anything, it will remind you to discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.
2. In correction
Galatians 6:1
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.
When you find yourself in a position to correct someone, take a moment to remember that if you really do consider yourself to be spiritually mature, then your correction will take on a tone of gentleness, never out of anger or bitterness or resentment. Too often you can crush a person's spirit when correcting. Consider many children who while they admittedly need correction, only have their hearts bruised and eventually hardened by the harsh tone of correction that is expressed.
Ladies, when you feel hurt or think that the guy is being insensitive or otherwise unkind to you in some way, if you presume yourself to be acting in a God-honoring fashion, a gentle and quiet spirit means that you will not allow yourself to be drawn into a judgmental attitude and then unleash on the other person harsh words that are condemning in nature. You will in fact only condemn yourself to your hypocrisy as you will no doubt find yourself in the other shoes and then you will have nothing to say because your own words will condemn you. Take time to first exercise self-control in your heart and then make sure your words are gentle and quiet. Remember that you will be held accountable for every word that you utter.
Another thing that you as ladies can do is to pursue Titus 2 relationships with older godly women who can practically walk you through what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Now you will have to choose wisely because not all older women in the church necessarily display this kind of quality. But when you do find one (remember they won't be perfect), you need to really grab a hold of that relationship and squeeze them for every ounce of wisdom you can get because it is priceless to have such influences in your life.
For those who have heard me share about them before, Fred and Mary Barshaw were an older couple at Grace Community Church that really impacted my marriage with Angela. Both were such kind and gentle spirits that every time we would talk with them, they would exude the kind of examples that we really cherished and valued. I can't help but notice that there are too few of these kind of examples these days. If there is anything that would be worthwhile to pursue, it would be to have the kind of gentle and quiet spirit that really reflects spiritual strength, stability, and maturity that will then bode well for a relationship in any context, but especially a dating relationship that will hopefully one day lead to marriage.
Well, a long answer to question #1. Hope that helps.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
What's the Problem with Dating?
It seems to me that the issue of dating is one that will never go away because we obviously have many singles (both college and post) who are hopeful (or maybe feeling hopeless) in finding that special someone that they hope will one day become their spouse.
The frustration that I have with this issue is that no matter how often we address it at a teaching level, there is the inevitable reaction against principles brought up or maybe even more disconcerting is the obvious lack of attention given to the teaching, resulting in a total oblivious attitude that is seen in the continuation of a worldly mindset that does not reflect wisdom from above as found in Scripture.
There are still those who would insist that it is fine to date a non-Christian, even though there have been very clear statements made regarding this issue. It really should be a non-issue because as a Christian, you should have in common the most important thing in your life, and that is Christ. If you have some misguided notion that through your dating you will be able to bring that unbelieving person to Christ, you really need to be honest with your heart motives and allow the Holy Spirit to pierce you with the Word of God (Hebrews 4:12). It is really a result of a compromise that has often been fostered by even so-called "Christian" parents who really do not prioritize the importance of a genuine faith in Christ. Going to church is often enough for someone to justify that it is okay to date a non-Christian and all too often the relationship starts to move in to areas that really are not glorifying to God. The sad conclusion to this kind of situation is that marriage will often take place and then there is a life-long conflict put into place that no doubt is the source of many conflicts and the greater likelihood of divorce (can you see that the issue of "irreconcilable differences" would actually be coming into play here?).
But I would venture to say that there is hopefully a better understanding about this particular issue at Lighthouse, at least for those who have attended the DTR sessions that we have had (one in fall 2005 and the other in fall 2007, which will continue starting April 13).
I would like to give a reminder to those who attended the first session of DTR2 in October of 2007 with the Reformation principles that provide the foundations for what I believe would be a God-honoring worldview that can then work through the issue of dating. I would concur with others that there are different ways for the idea of "dating" to work toward marriage. But where I would disagree is that if someone were to replace Biblical principles with worldly wisdom (note that I wrote replace), then this directly flies in the face of Romans 12:2, where we should not be in conformity to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
So a few questions to remind you (in light of this past Sunday's message on Romans 15):
1. Sola Scriptura (Scripture Alone)
Is the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God sufficient to provide the final authority to govern all aspects of life, including dating? Or do you seek other sources of "wisdom" to follow?
2. Sola Gratia (Grace Alone)
Are you in agreement that except for the grace of God extended to you that you have absolutely no hope in any aspect of life, including dating? Or do you act in a way that reveals you think you are entitled to something that you think you deserve, especially in SOMEONE you think you deserve?
3. Sola Fide (Faith Alone)
Do you truly trust in the Lord with ALL your heart instead of leaning on your own understanding? Or do you try to manipulate people and circumstances to force your own agenda?
4. Solus Christus (Christ Alone)
Is Christ your first love? Or have you compromised this with the priority of self-love to the point where you want someone to join you in loving yourself instead of Christ?
5. Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God Alone)
Is it your greatest desire to glorify God in all areas of your life (1 Corinthians 10:31)? Do you truly seek to be a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1)? Or have you exchanged the glory of God for the excrement of this world and the pursuit of self-glory?
Your attitude toward dating will reveal a lot about you as to the reality of these five principles in your life. What is evident through the fall out of those who do not heed God's Word is a clear rejection and rebellion against the wisdom of God and instead the foolish pursuit of worldly thinking.
There are some who need to be confronted. There are others that need to be encouraged. There are the marrieds who need to set an example to the singles. There are youth and children that are watching to see what those who are in this stage will do. So everyone is affected and no one has an excuse to turn a blind eye to this issue.
See you April 13 at 6pm as we resume DTR2.
Pray.
The frustration that I have with this issue is that no matter how often we address it at a teaching level, there is the inevitable reaction against principles brought up or maybe even more disconcerting is the obvious lack of attention given to the teaching, resulting in a total oblivious attitude that is seen in the continuation of a worldly mindset that does not reflect wisdom from above as found in Scripture.
There are still those who would insist that it is fine to date a non-Christian, even though there have been very clear statements made regarding this issue. It really should be a non-issue because as a Christian, you should have in common the most important thing in your life, and that is Christ. If you have some misguided notion that through your dating you will be able to bring that unbelieving person to Christ, you really need to be honest with your heart motives and allow the Holy Spirit to pierce you with the Word of God (Hebrews 4:12). It is really a result of a compromise that has often been fostered by even so-called "Christian" parents who really do not prioritize the importance of a genuine faith in Christ. Going to church is often enough for someone to justify that it is okay to date a non-Christian and all too often the relationship starts to move in to areas that really are not glorifying to God. The sad conclusion to this kind of situation is that marriage will often take place and then there is a life-long conflict put into place that no doubt is the source of many conflicts and the greater likelihood of divorce (can you see that the issue of "irreconcilable differences" would actually be coming into play here?).
But I would venture to say that there is hopefully a better understanding about this particular issue at Lighthouse, at least for those who have attended the DTR sessions that we have had (one in fall 2005 and the other in fall 2007, which will continue starting April 13).
I would like to give a reminder to those who attended the first session of DTR2 in October of 2007 with the Reformation principles that provide the foundations for what I believe would be a God-honoring worldview that can then work through the issue of dating. I would concur with others that there are different ways for the idea of "dating" to work toward marriage. But where I would disagree is that if someone were to replace Biblical principles with worldly wisdom (note that I wrote replace), then this directly flies in the face of Romans 12:2, where we should not be in conformity to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
So a few questions to remind you (in light of this past Sunday's message on Romans 15):
1. Sola Scriptura (Scripture Alone)
Is the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God sufficient to provide the final authority to govern all aspects of life, including dating? Or do you seek other sources of "wisdom" to follow?
2. Sola Gratia (Grace Alone)
Are you in agreement that except for the grace of God extended to you that you have absolutely no hope in any aspect of life, including dating? Or do you act in a way that reveals you think you are entitled to something that you think you deserve, especially in SOMEONE you think you deserve?
3. Sola Fide (Faith Alone)
Do you truly trust in the Lord with ALL your heart instead of leaning on your own understanding? Or do you try to manipulate people and circumstances to force your own agenda?
4. Solus Christus (Christ Alone)
Is Christ your first love? Or have you compromised this with the priority of self-love to the point where you want someone to join you in loving yourself instead of Christ?
5. Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God Alone)
Is it your greatest desire to glorify God in all areas of your life (1 Corinthians 10:31)? Do you truly seek to be a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1)? Or have you exchanged the glory of God for the excrement of this world and the pursuit of self-glory?
Your attitude toward dating will reveal a lot about you as to the reality of these five principles in your life. What is evident through the fall out of those who do not heed God's Word is a clear rejection and rebellion against the wisdom of God and instead the foolish pursuit of worldly thinking.
There are some who need to be confronted. There are others that need to be encouraged. There are the marrieds who need to set an example to the singles. There are youth and children that are watching to see what those who are in this stage will do. So everyone is affected and no one has an excuse to turn a blind eye to this issue.
See you April 13 at 6pm as we resume DTR2.
Pray.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Dedication of our new facilities
God has graciously given our church a new facility and it really is amazing to think that after almost nine years at our previous site we now have a place of our own (to rent still but that's okay). As we have been putting in many hours to get the various aspects of the building ready for use, it really has been a blessing to see so many people willing to give of their time and energy to literally build up the church building. Not only that, as we have various needs arise, such as the need for a cleaning ministry, we have had almost 30 people signup to help with that and so it truly is encouraging to see our church family step up.
Not that I want to get too intense about it, but as I think about how much effort and energy went into building the tabernacle during the time of Moses, or the building of the temple by Solomon, a lot went into the building of a facility that was meant to facilitate corporate worship. But what eventually happened to both? They would lose their meaning as many forgot that worship is not about a building but about the hearts of people congregating to worship God together. It's not just about a ceremonial service or following a liturgy but that every aspect of our lives, whether the singing, the sermon, the fellowship, or even the eating and drinking, that all of it would be done to the glory of God together.
I believe that we in San Diego know little of the tests of adversity but we are tested more with the tests of prosperity. We have so much and yet we often do so little with what we have been given. So I want to really challenge all of our church family members to consider carefully that we have been given a great stewardship. We have a larger sanctuary not just so that we could increase our attendance for having larger numbers but for increasing the corporate worship of God. That will only happen if we are truly setting our eyes on Christ and that He alone would be the focal point of our devotion. That must then be consistently upheld throughout the week in our individual lives wherever we go.
So this Sunday as we look forward to being blessed by the preaching of some wonderful friends of our church - Andy Snider and Chris Mueller, let us remember that it is not the building that makes a church - it is the body of Christ, those who are truly following Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior that make up the church and we must rise up and fulfill the mandate that we have been given:
Mission - to make disciples of Christ (Matthew 28:18-20 *note the addition of verse 18)
Vision - to plant churches (Acts 1:8)
Passion - to love God and people (Matthew 22:37-40)
Bring your family and friends this Sunday to either or both services (9am and 6pm) as we thank God for His grace to us.
Let's get together and shine the light brightly for our God!
Not that I want to get too intense about it, but as I think about how much effort and energy went into building the tabernacle during the time of Moses, or the building of the temple by Solomon, a lot went into the building of a facility that was meant to facilitate corporate worship. But what eventually happened to both? They would lose their meaning as many forgot that worship is not about a building but about the hearts of people congregating to worship God together. It's not just about a ceremonial service or following a liturgy but that every aspect of our lives, whether the singing, the sermon, the fellowship, or even the eating and drinking, that all of it would be done to the glory of God together.
I believe that we in San Diego know little of the tests of adversity but we are tested more with the tests of prosperity. We have so much and yet we often do so little with what we have been given. So I want to really challenge all of our church family members to consider carefully that we have been given a great stewardship. We have a larger sanctuary not just so that we could increase our attendance for having larger numbers but for increasing the corporate worship of God. That will only happen if we are truly setting our eyes on Christ and that He alone would be the focal point of our devotion. That must then be consistently upheld throughout the week in our individual lives wherever we go.
So this Sunday as we look forward to being blessed by the preaching of some wonderful friends of our church - Andy Snider and Chris Mueller, let us remember that it is not the building that makes a church - it is the body of Christ, those who are truly following Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior that make up the church and we must rise up and fulfill the mandate that we have been given:
Mission - to make disciples of Christ (Matthew 28:18-20 *note the addition of verse 18)
Vision - to plant churches (Acts 1:8)
Passion - to love God and people (Matthew 22:37-40)
Bring your family and friends this Sunday to either or both services (9am and 6pm) as we thank God for His grace to us.
Let's get together and shine the light brightly for our God!
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