A few weeks ago I had a chance to speak during the DTR series about “Breaking Up to the Glory of God.” In the introduction to that message I made some comments about the importance of developing a solid theology of dating and I wanted to elaborate on those thoughts. The basic idea is that even Christians with a good understanding of theology oftentimes do not put their beliefs into practice when it comes to dating. Although they might profess to believe in particular aspects of biblical theology, they live as though they don’t. James exhorts believers not to be mere hearers of the Word, but doers also (James 1:22). In particular, it isn’t enough to have a correct understanding of God and His Word if you are not willing to allow your beliefs to affect your thinking.
Here are some examples of how I have witnessed people doing this (and how I have done this as well!)…
The Glory of God. When it comes to the glory of God, every good Christian knows what Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 10:31. Everything you do, regardless of how mundane, is supposed to be for the glory of God. The glory of God is really supposed to be the ultimate motivation behind everything a person does because God is worthy of all glory and honor and praise. When you seek to enter into a dating relationship, it becomes tempting to have personal desires take precedence over God’s will. You may seek to live for personal satisfaction rather than the glory of God, and that which should take ultimate priority takes a back seat. When you do not get what you want, you have sinful attitudes of doubting and complaining. This manifests that you do not seek God's glory as much as you ought.
The Sovereignty of God. Psalm 103:19 states, “The LORD has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all.” You may have come to the conviction that God is sovereign over all things. The Bible even teaches that God is sovereign over a person’s salvation (Eph. 1:5), and many Christians are happy to accept this because they know that they would never have sought after God if He had not have first chosen them. When it comes to dating, though, practically you may exhibit a lack of trust in the sovereignty of God. Questions may flood into your mind like, “What if I don’t act soon enough?” or “What if he/she starts dating someone else?” All of a sudden, because you are gripped with getting what you want, you abandon your belief in the sovereignty of God and try to manipulate and control circumstances on your own. You must act because you doubt that the Lord will act on your behalf. You doubt that God is in control and so you take matters into your own hands.
The Goodness of God. James tells us that every good thing and every perfect gift is from our heavenly Father (James 1:17). Why is it that in the context of dating you tend to question God’s goodness so much? When things don’t go your way, you question whether God is good. “Why would God give me such longings only to not let me have what I want?” Ultimately, this is the wrong question to ask. The correct question is, “Why aren’t my desires in line with God’s desires for my life?” God is a good God, but somehow you may be tempted to doubt this if you do not end up with the person you had hoped for.
The Wisdom of God. Perhaps you are sure that a certain guy or gal is the one for you. When that person does not feel the same way as you, do you question whether God knows what He is doing? Perhaps you need to meditate on Romans 11:33-36 and the awesome wisdom of God. You ought not to act as though God is mistaken. He is infinitely wise and knows how to govern your life in the best way.
The Omniscience and Omnipresence of God. If you find yourself in the context of dating, and you have a clear understanding that God is always there and always watching, you would be less susceptible to sexual sin. Solomon says to his son in the context of warning him against sexual sin, “For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, And He watches all his paths” (Prov. 5:21). Do you live as though God is always there and that He is always watching? Psalm 139:1-12 speaks about God’s amazing omnipresence and omniscience, but in a dating context you may live as though you think God is blind or absent.
The Sufficiency of Scripture. When it comes to the theology of the Bible, many would argue that the Bible doesn’t say anything about dating. I know what these people mean, that one will not find the idea of dating in any Bible concordance and that there is no chapter and verse on dating in particular. My greatest question in response, though, is if the Bible gives no wisdom about dating, where do you turn for that wisdom? 2 Timothy 3:16-17 and Psalm 19:7-11 speak of the sufficiency of the Word of God. In it we find the instructions for life and God’s requirements of us. It is the standard of truth that all other worldly wisdom must answer to. If the Bible says nothing about dating, giving no principles to help those in a dating context, then how can a person know how he or she is supposed to date? Would you rather turn to Oprah, movies, or your friends? Where are you going to get the guidance that is necessary to pursue a dating relationship that honors God if not from the Bible?
The Authority of Scripture. Even after a person seeks the Scriptures for principles that are applicable in a dating context, they do not always abide by them. When you act against clear principles from God’s Word, you manifest a distrust in the authority of Scripture. You would rather turn to another authority and reason for yourself what is right or wrong. The nation of Israel was guilty of this and fell into moral ruin. God says the reason why they did this was because, “In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (Judges 21:25). So often we think it is wise to act on what our hearts tell us. We think God is giving us peace about our decisions because we feel good about them. But the Bible says that our hearts are deceitful and sick (Jer. 17:9). Because of our sinfulness, our minds have been tainted by sin (cf. Gen. 6:5; Rom. 1:21-22). It is because of sin’s impact on the mind that our hearts are not the best determiner of what is sound. We need to seek the authority of God’s Word because without it we are like people in the dark with no light to lead us (Ps. 119:105).
These are just a few examples of how we demonstrate the weakness of our theology in the context of dating and relationships. We would be wise to be more consistent. It is not enough to have a load of head knowledge about God and His Word if you are not willing to live as though you believe it. God is not out to kill your fun. He desires the best for you. When you trust in His character, even when things do not go your way, you can hope that He has a better plan in store for you. Practicing good theology is vital to surviving the "dating game"! I cannot imagine how I would have survived all the anxiety, rejection, and loneliness if I did not have the sound principles and teaching from God's Word. It is not that I practiced everything perfectly either. As one of my seminary professors said, "Dating is a cruel, hard game... but we must all play that game." What better way to tackle one of the most significant decisions in your life than to seek God's Word for wisdom and guidance?
Showing posts with label DTR2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DTR2. Show all posts
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Pursuing a Gentle and Quiet Spirit
DTR2 Q&A
Question: How does one pursue developing a gentle and quiet spirit as found in 1 Peter 3:4?
Answer:
As discussed this past Sunday at the DTR2 session, I shared about various qualities one should look for in a God-honoring relationship. For the ladies, one of the first qualities that was brought up was that of a gentle and quiet spirit. What does it mean to have a gentle and quiet spirit and how does one pursue nurturing such a quality?
The word "gentle" refers to the character quality that is most marked by a humble and kind spirit that provides the basis for submission, which is the primary quality being addressed in 1 Peter 3:1, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husband." Now someone might get distracted at this point and say, "I'm not a wife yet!", but that would be to rush too quickly to judgment.
The quality of gentleness is one that stems from being filled with the Holy Spirit. In Galatians 5:22-23, the fruit of the Spirit is characterized in a nine-fold display of one who is walking in the Spirit (Gal. 5:16). So gentleness is not simply reserved for wives alone but is to be characteristic of every Christian, men included.
For those that might minimize the importance of gentleness, it was displayed in none other than our Lord Jesus Christ Himself as the Scriptures express the following:
Matthew 11:29
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 21:5
Say to the daughter of Zion, "Behold your King is coming to you, gentle, mounted on a donkey, even on a colt, the foal of beast of burden."
2 Corinthians 10:1
Now I, Paul myself urge you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ - I who am meek when face to face with you, but bold toward you when absent!
Our Lord displayed this trait of gentleness, which no doubt would lead us to consider how we might imitate Him. Consider He who is King of kings and He is exalted in being proclaimed "gentle" and even when the apostle Paul is exhorting the believers in Corinth, he appeals to them with the gentleness of Christ. It is an observation this is truly noteworthy for it uplifts this character trait from the stereotypical view of those being gentle equates to those who are weak.
Ladies, to display gentleness in your heart and spirit is not a sign of weakness or a lowering of value as the world might portray it. It is to follow in the very footsteps of Christ and it would be no small thing to display this trait, even in a dating relationship because first and foremost, you should be cultivating this quality simply because you are a Christian. But there is a special relevance as it relates to the role that you are to prepare for and that is to be a submissive wife.
Carefully consider the exhortations relating to gentleness in Scripture:
Matthew 5:5
Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
Philippians 4:5
Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
Titus 3:1-2
Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.
Ephesians 4:1-2
Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Note how these passages are all relational in nature and it is not a sign of weakness but actually that of power. The gentle will inherit the earth!
I remember when growing up my mom gave me a devotion that she had heard from somewhere that gentleness was "power under control." This is very true. It is not a sign of weakness but it actually is a sign of strength. There is nothing more difficult than to show gentleness when confronted with conflict and when someone might be making life very difficult for you and you feel justified in getting angry and upset and letting your emotions out. That is why it is impossible to be truly gentle apart from the power of the Holy Spirit in those situations.
Gentleness is also the key to all relationships, even in relation to being submissive to the governing authorities. It is also key in how we display our high calling in Christ and it is what contributes to true unity in the church.
How true then would it be for any kind of relationship to grow and flourish? Ladies, your contribution to a God-honoring relationship for the long-term will depend on your commitment to growing a gentle spirit. So how is it possible?
This is where the next word "quiet" comes in to play. The idea of being quiet is just that, to be quiet. There is an appropriate time speak and to voice your opinions but there is also a time, maybe even more so to be quiet in your demeanor and disposition. The idea of "quiet" also belies a stillness or tranquility of spirit, one that is unaffected by the emotional turmoil that often causes many to end up being obnoxious and nasty, especially in their words and attitudes toward others. The idea of a gentle heart really is found and evidenced when someone is able to show self-control and show that the peace of God reigns in their hearts.
Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Note that these two verses follow verse 5, which mentions the idea of gentleness. When there are times of anxiety, which no doubt comes up quite often in the whole issue of dating relationships, whether you are in one or not, the key here is to have a spirit that is characterized by being at peace. A quiet spirit is one that truly experiences the peace of God and it will then coincide with the display of gentleness, regardless of the circumstances but especially in light of difficult circumstances. Too many ladies are quick to discard gentleness to the wind when confronted with various situations and while it might be understandable from the world's perspective to get upset and angry and to really run roughshod over a person, it is a far cry from one who is called to be living sacrifice before God. This is where we cannot afford to be conformed to the world but instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds with wisdom from above, which incidentally includes gentleness as being characteristic of heavenly wisdom (Jam. 3:17).
One last thing to note going back to 1 Peter 3:4. When women are challenged to exhibit a gentle and quiet spirit, you must consider that there are two significant things about it that make it important. First, it is an imperishable quality, that is, it is incorruptible and has an eternal quality about it. It is not subject to cultural revision or a changing of the times. It is a quality that when displayed in a God-honoring way is timeless. Second, it is a quality that is precious in the sight of God. It is the inner beauty of the heart that God sees as most valuable. Just as when Samuel was looking for a king out of the sons of Jesse, God admonished his short-sightedness when he thought the first-born was going to be chosen. "God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (1 Sam. 16:7).
Ladies, if you desire to see the glory of God be displayed in your life, it will not be by focusing on the external adornment that this world so quickly turns to in order to define "beauty" but instead it is to focus on the hidden person of the heart. Beauty that is honoring before God is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit and you cannot allow the lies of the world to convince you otherwise. Just like the serpent in the garden in Genesis 3, the world will say, "Indeed did God say?" and will get you to question the Lordship of Christ in your life.
Men, you also need to consider the priority of inner beauty as you consider your relationships with women. What do you truly value and what are you attracted to when it comes to ladies? If you do not see spiritual qualities such as a gentle and quiet spirit before you go looking, you will most likely find out, and sadly find out later that you will have wished for this quality to be present when you find yourself with someone who might be physically attractive but lacking severely in this area and you will find yourself miserable with a "beautiful" woman. It has been show time and time again - can't you just watch the news and see the drama of our celebrity world as it is awash in glamour and appearances, only to find that it as Solomon said, "Vanity of vanities!"
So what are some practical ways to develop and practice a gentle and quiet spirit?
1. In your speech
Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
What side will you find yourself on this verse? Gentle words or harsh words? Be careful the next time you talk with anyone, but especially those that are close to you, like family and friends. Note the tone of your voice and ask yourself if God would be glorified with harsh words or gentle words. If you are really brave, ask those that you really want to help you to hold you accountable in this area. But you really need to mean it because it will be tremendously difficult. But if anything, it will remind you to discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.
2. In correction
Galatians 6:1
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.
When you find yourself in a position to correct someone, take a moment to remember that if you really do consider yourself to be spiritually mature, then your correction will take on a tone of gentleness, never out of anger or bitterness or resentment. Too often you can crush a person's spirit when correcting. Consider many children who while they admittedly need correction, only have their hearts bruised and eventually hardened by the harsh tone of correction that is expressed.
Ladies, when you feel hurt or think that the guy is being insensitive or otherwise unkind to you in some way, if you presume yourself to be acting in a God-honoring fashion, a gentle and quiet spirit means that you will not allow yourself to be drawn into a judgmental attitude and then unleash on the other person harsh words that are condemning in nature. You will in fact only condemn yourself to your hypocrisy as you will no doubt find yourself in the other shoes and then you will have nothing to say because your own words will condemn you. Take time to first exercise self-control in your heart and then make sure your words are gentle and quiet. Remember that you will be held accountable for every word that you utter.
Another thing that you as ladies can do is to pursue Titus 2 relationships with older godly women who can practically walk you through what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Now you will have to choose wisely because not all older women in the church necessarily display this kind of quality. But when you do find one (remember they won't be perfect), you need to really grab a hold of that relationship and squeeze them for every ounce of wisdom you can get because it is priceless to have such influences in your life.
For those who have heard me share about them before, Fred and Mary Barshaw were an older couple at Grace Community Church that really impacted my marriage with Angela. Both were such kind and gentle spirits that every time we would talk with them, they would exude the kind of examples that we really cherished and valued. I can't help but notice that there are too few of these kind of examples these days. If there is anything that would be worthwhile to pursue, it would be to have the kind of gentle and quiet spirit that really reflects spiritual strength, stability, and maturity that will then bode well for a relationship in any context, but especially a dating relationship that will hopefully one day lead to marriage.
Well, a long answer to question #1. Hope that helps.
Question: How does one pursue developing a gentle and quiet spirit as found in 1 Peter 3:4?
Answer:
As discussed this past Sunday at the DTR2 session, I shared about various qualities one should look for in a God-honoring relationship. For the ladies, one of the first qualities that was brought up was that of a gentle and quiet spirit. What does it mean to have a gentle and quiet spirit and how does one pursue nurturing such a quality?
The word "gentle" refers to the character quality that is most marked by a humble and kind spirit that provides the basis for submission, which is the primary quality being addressed in 1 Peter 3:1, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husband." Now someone might get distracted at this point and say, "I'm not a wife yet!", but that would be to rush too quickly to judgment.
The quality of gentleness is one that stems from being filled with the Holy Spirit. In Galatians 5:22-23, the fruit of the Spirit is characterized in a nine-fold display of one who is walking in the Spirit (Gal. 5:16). So gentleness is not simply reserved for wives alone but is to be characteristic of every Christian, men included.
For those that might minimize the importance of gentleness, it was displayed in none other than our Lord Jesus Christ Himself as the Scriptures express the following:
Matthew 11:29
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 21:5
Say to the daughter of Zion, "Behold your King is coming to you, gentle, mounted on a donkey, even on a colt, the foal of beast of burden."
2 Corinthians 10:1
Now I, Paul myself urge you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ - I who am meek when face to face with you, but bold toward you when absent!
Our Lord displayed this trait of gentleness, which no doubt would lead us to consider how we might imitate Him. Consider He who is King of kings and He is exalted in being proclaimed "gentle" and even when the apostle Paul is exhorting the believers in Corinth, he appeals to them with the gentleness of Christ. It is an observation this is truly noteworthy for it uplifts this character trait from the stereotypical view of those being gentle equates to those who are weak.
Ladies, to display gentleness in your heart and spirit is not a sign of weakness or a lowering of value as the world might portray it. It is to follow in the very footsteps of Christ and it would be no small thing to display this trait, even in a dating relationship because first and foremost, you should be cultivating this quality simply because you are a Christian. But there is a special relevance as it relates to the role that you are to prepare for and that is to be a submissive wife.
Carefully consider the exhortations relating to gentleness in Scripture:
Matthew 5:5
Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
Philippians 4:5
Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
Titus 3:1-2
Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.
Ephesians 4:1-2
Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Note how these passages are all relational in nature and it is not a sign of weakness but actually that of power. The gentle will inherit the earth!
I remember when growing up my mom gave me a devotion that she had heard from somewhere that gentleness was "power under control." This is very true. It is not a sign of weakness but it actually is a sign of strength. There is nothing more difficult than to show gentleness when confronted with conflict and when someone might be making life very difficult for you and you feel justified in getting angry and upset and letting your emotions out. That is why it is impossible to be truly gentle apart from the power of the Holy Spirit in those situations.
Gentleness is also the key to all relationships, even in relation to being submissive to the governing authorities. It is also key in how we display our high calling in Christ and it is what contributes to true unity in the church.
How true then would it be for any kind of relationship to grow and flourish? Ladies, your contribution to a God-honoring relationship for the long-term will depend on your commitment to growing a gentle spirit. So how is it possible?
This is where the next word "quiet" comes in to play. The idea of being quiet is just that, to be quiet. There is an appropriate time speak and to voice your opinions but there is also a time, maybe even more so to be quiet in your demeanor and disposition. The idea of "quiet" also belies a stillness or tranquility of spirit, one that is unaffected by the emotional turmoil that often causes many to end up being obnoxious and nasty, especially in their words and attitudes toward others. The idea of a gentle heart really is found and evidenced when someone is able to show self-control and show that the peace of God reigns in their hearts.
Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Note that these two verses follow verse 5, which mentions the idea of gentleness. When there are times of anxiety, which no doubt comes up quite often in the whole issue of dating relationships, whether you are in one or not, the key here is to have a spirit that is characterized by being at peace. A quiet spirit is one that truly experiences the peace of God and it will then coincide with the display of gentleness, regardless of the circumstances but especially in light of difficult circumstances. Too many ladies are quick to discard gentleness to the wind when confronted with various situations and while it might be understandable from the world's perspective to get upset and angry and to really run roughshod over a person, it is a far cry from one who is called to be living sacrifice before God. This is where we cannot afford to be conformed to the world but instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds with wisdom from above, which incidentally includes gentleness as being characteristic of heavenly wisdom (Jam. 3:17).
One last thing to note going back to 1 Peter 3:4. When women are challenged to exhibit a gentle and quiet spirit, you must consider that there are two significant things about it that make it important. First, it is an imperishable quality, that is, it is incorruptible and has an eternal quality about it. It is not subject to cultural revision or a changing of the times. It is a quality that when displayed in a God-honoring way is timeless. Second, it is a quality that is precious in the sight of God. It is the inner beauty of the heart that God sees as most valuable. Just as when Samuel was looking for a king out of the sons of Jesse, God admonished his short-sightedness when he thought the first-born was going to be chosen. "God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (1 Sam. 16:7).
Ladies, if you desire to see the glory of God be displayed in your life, it will not be by focusing on the external adornment that this world so quickly turns to in order to define "beauty" but instead it is to focus on the hidden person of the heart. Beauty that is honoring before God is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit and you cannot allow the lies of the world to convince you otherwise. Just like the serpent in the garden in Genesis 3, the world will say, "Indeed did God say?" and will get you to question the Lordship of Christ in your life.
Men, you also need to consider the priority of inner beauty as you consider your relationships with women. What do you truly value and what are you attracted to when it comes to ladies? If you do not see spiritual qualities such as a gentle and quiet spirit before you go looking, you will most likely find out, and sadly find out later that you will have wished for this quality to be present when you find yourself with someone who might be physically attractive but lacking severely in this area and you will find yourself miserable with a "beautiful" woman. It has been show time and time again - can't you just watch the news and see the drama of our celebrity world as it is awash in glamour and appearances, only to find that it as Solomon said, "Vanity of vanities!"
So what are some practical ways to develop and practice a gentle and quiet spirit?
1. In your speech
Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
What side will you find yourself on this verse? Gentle words or harsh words? Be careful the next time you talk with anyone, but especially those that are close to you, like family and friends. Note the tone of your voice and ask yourself if God would be glorified with harsh words or gentle words. If you are really brave, ask those that you really want to help you to hold you accountable in this area. But you really need to mean it because it will be tremendously difficult. But if anything, it will remind you to discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.
2. In correction
Galatians 6:1
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.
When you find yourself in a position to correct someone, take a moment to remember that if you really do consider yourself to be spiritually mature, then your correction will take on a tone of gentleness, never out of anger or bitterness or resentment. Too often you can crush a person's spirit when correcting. Consider many children who while they admittedly need correction, only have their hearts bruised and eventually hardened by the harsh tone of correction that is expressed.
Ladies, when you feel hurt or think that the guy is being insensitive or otherwise unkind to you in some way, if you presume yourself to be acting in a God-honoring fashion, a gentle and quiet spirit means that you will not allow yourself to be drawn into a judgmental attitude and then unleash on the other person harsh words that are condemning in nature. You will in fact only condemn yourself to your hypocrisy as you will no doubt find yourself in the other shoes and then you will have nothing to say because your own words will condemn you. Take time to first exercise self-control in your heart and then make sure your words are gentle and quiet. Remember that you will be held accountable for every word that you utter.
Another thing that you as ladies can do is to pursue Titus 2 relationships with older godly women who can practically walk you through what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Now you will have to choose wisely because not all older women in the church necessarily display this kind of quality. But when you do find one (remember they won't be perfect), you need to really grab a hold of that relationship and squeeze them for every ounce of wisdom you can get because it is priceless to have such influences in your life.
For those who have heard me share about them before, Fred and Mary Barshaw were an older couple at Grace Community Church that really impacted my marriage with Angela. Both were such kind and gentle spirits that every time we would talk with them, they would exude the kind of examples that we really cherished and valued. I can't help but notice that there are too few of these kind of examples these days. If there is anything that would be worthwhile to pursue, it would be to have the kind of gentle and quiet spirit that really reflects spiritual strength, stability, and maturity that will then bode well for a relationship in any context, but especially a dating relationship that will hopefully one day lead to marriage.
Well, a long answer to question #1. Hope that helps.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
What's the Problem with Dating?
It seems to me that the issue of dating is one that will never go away because we obviously have many singles (both college and post) who are hopeful (or maybe feeling hopeless) in finding that special someone that they hope will one day become their spouse.
The frustration that I have with this issue is that no matter how often we address it at a teaching level, there is the inevitable reaction against principles brought up or maybe even more disconcerting is the obvious lack of attention given to the teaching, resulting in a total oblivious attitude that is seen in the continuation of a worldly mindset that does not reflect wisdom from above as found in Scripture.
There are still those who would insist that it is fine to date a non-Christian, even though there have been very clear statements made regarding this issue. It really should be a non-issue because as a Christian, you should have in common the most important thing in your life, and that is Christ. If you have some misguided notion that through your dating you will be able to bring that unbelieving person to Christ, you really need to be honest with your heart motives and allow the Holy Spirit to pierce you with the Word of God (Hebrews 4:12). It is really a result of a compromise that has often been fostered by even so-called "Christian" parents who really do not prioritize the importance of a genuine faith in Christ. Going to church is often enough for someone to justify that it is okay to date a non-Christian and all too often the relationship starts to move in to areas that really are not glorifying to God. The sad conclusion to this kind of situation is that marriage will often take place and then there is a life-long conflict put into place that no doubt is the source of many conflicts and the greater likelihood of divorce (can you see that the issue of "irreconcilable differences" would actually be coming into play here?).
But I would venture to say that there is hopefully a better understanding about this particular issue at Lighthouse, at least for those who have attended the DTR sessions that we have had (one in fall 2005 and the other in fall 2007, which will continue starting April 13).
I would like to give a reminder to those who attended the first session of DTR2 in October of 2007 with the Reformation principles that provide the foundations for what I believe would be a God-honoring worldview that can then work through the issue of dating. I would concur with others that there are different ways for the idea of "dating" to work toward marriage. But where I would disagree is that if someone were to replace Biblical principles with worldly wisdom (note that I wrote replace), then this directly flies in the face of Romans 12:2, where we should not be in conformity to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
So a few questions to remind you (in light of this past Sunday's message on Romans 15):
1. Sola Scriptura (Scripture Alone)
Is the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God sufficient to provide the final authority to govern all aspects of life, including dating? Or do you seek other sources of "wisdom" to follow?
2. Sola Gratia (Grace Alone)
Are you in agreement that except for the grace of God extended to you that you have absolutely no hope in any aspect of life, including dating? Or do you act in a way that reveals you think you are entitled to something that you think you deserve, especially in SOMEONE you think you deserve?
3. Sola Fide (Faith Alone)
Do you truly trust in the Lord with ALL your heart instead of leaning on your own understanding? Or do you try to manipulate people and circumstances to force your own agenda?
4. Solus Christus (Christ Alone)
Is Christ your first love? Or have you compromised this with the priority of self-love to the point where you want someone to join you in loving yourself instead of Christ?
5. Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God Alone)
Is it your greatest desire to glorify God in all areas of your life (1 Corinthians 10:31)? Do you truly seek to be a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1)? Or have you exchanged the glory of God for the excrement of this world and the pursuit of self-glory?
Your attitude toward dating will reveal a lot about you as to the reality of these five principles in your life. What is evident through the fall out of those who do not heed God's Word is a clear rejection and rebellion against the wisdom of God and instead the foolish pursuit of worldly thinking.
There are some who need to be confronted. There are others that need to be encouraged. There are the marrieds who need to set an example to the singles. There are youth and children that are watching to see what those who are in this stage will do. So everyone is affected and no one has an excuse to turn a blind eye to this issue.
See you April 13 at 6pm as we resume DTR2.
Pray.
The frustration that I have with this issue is that no matter how often we address it at a teaching level, there is the inevitable reaction against principles brought up or maybe even more disconcerting is the obvious lack of attention given to the teaching, resulting in a total oblivious attitude that is seen in the continuation of a worldly mindset that does not reflect wisdom from above as found in Scripture.
There are still those who would insist that it is fine to date a non-Christian, even though there have been very clear statements made regarding this issue. It really should be a non-issue because as a Christian, you should have in common the most important thing in your life, and that is Christ. If you have some misguided notion that through your dating you will be able to bring that unbelieving person to Christ, you really need to be honest with your heart motives and allow the Holy Spirit to pierce you with the Word of God (Hebrews 4:12). It is really a result of a compromise that has often been fostered by even so-called "Christian" parents who really do not prioritize the importance of a genuine faith in Christ. Going to church is often enough for someone to justify that it is okay to date a non-Christian and all too often the relationship starts to move in to areas that really are not glorifying to God. The sad conclusion to this kind of situation is that marriage will often take place and then there is a life-long conflict put into place that no doubt is the source of many conflicts and the greater likelihood of divorce (can you see that the issue of "irreconcilable differences" would actually be coming into play here?).
But I would venture to say that there is hopefully a better understanding about this particular issue at Lighthouse, at least for those who have attended the DTR sessions that we have had (one in fall 2005 and the other in fall 2007, which will continue starting April 13).
I would like to give a reminder to those who attended the first session of DTR2 in October of 2007 with the Reformation principles that provide the foundations for what I believe would be a God-honoring worldview that can then work through the issue of dating. I would concur with others that there are different ways for the idea of "dating" to work toward marriage. But where I would disagree is that if someone were to replace Biblical principles with worldly wisdom (note that I wrote replace), then this directly flies in the face of Romans 12:2, where we should not be in conformity to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
So a few questions to remind you (in light of this past Sunday's message on Romans 15):
1. Sola Scriptura (Scripture Alone)
Is the inspired, inerrant, infallible Word of God sufficient to provide the final authority to govern all aspects of life, including dating? Or do you seek other sources of "wisdom" to follow?
2. Sola Gratia (Grace Alone)
Are you in agreement that except for the grace of God extended to you that you have absolutely no hope in any aspect of life, including dating? Or do you act in a way that reveals you think you are entitled to something that you think you deserve, especially in SOMEONE you think you deserve?
3. Sola Fide (Faith Alone)
Do you truly trust in the Lord with ALL your heart instead of leaning on your own understanding? Or do you try to manipulate people and circumstances to force your own agenda?
4. Solus Christus (Christ Alone)
Is Christ your first love? Or have you compromised this with the priority of self-love to the point where you want someone to join you in loving yourself instead of Christ?
5. Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God Alone)
Is it your greatest desire to glorify God in all areas of your life (1 Corinthians 10:31)? Do you truly seek to be a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1)? Or have you exchanged the glory of God for the excrement of this world and the pursuit of self-glory?
Your attitude toward dating will reveal a lot about you as to the reality of these five principles in your life. What is evident through the fall out of those who do not heed God's Word is a clear rejection and rebellion against the wisdom of God and instead the foolish pursuit of worldly thinking.
There are some who need to be confronted. There are others that need to be encouraged. There are the marrieds who need to set an example to the singles. There are youth and children that are watching to see what those who are in this stage will do. So everyone is affected and no one has an excuse to turn a blind eye to this issue.
See you April 13 at 6pm as we resume DTR2.
Pray.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
DTR2: Waiting for Magic?
Marriage is a scary proposition for many to consider. But what is amazing to me is how many Christians do not really seek God's truth regarding marriage but look to their own feelings and emotions to guide them in making decisions. Many will place intuition and things like compatibility and personality issues as the primary factors in making a decision and wait for lightning to strike. This is the so-called "magic" that people look for and while I will not deny that there is some element of subjectivity, it seems a bit odd that many will dismiss seeking God's Word for guidance regarding marriage and instead look for the "magic."
This is seen in the whole world of dating where both men and women use worldly wisdom, if you could even call it wisdom, to make their decisions on what makes for a good partner. There are those who would entertain having a dating relationship with a non-believer. Scripture is clear on this point and while I sort of addressed it in passing, I realized that for some, they might have though it was just my opinion. It is not.
2 Corinthians 6:14-15
Do not be bound with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer with an unbeliever?
If you are thinking of entering into a relationship with an unbeliever just because you feel there is some "magic", you are truly deceived by the illusion that there could be a genuine and intimate love relationship that would be to the glory of God. How could you engage in a relationship with thoughts of marriage when marriage is to reflect the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church? If you do not agree on the most important issue of your standing with God, how will you have anything else in common that is of significance? You might enjoy the same music, have the same hobbies, and feel like you "click" but if the foundations are not built on the same Rock, I don't care how compatible you feel, e-harmony tests notwithstanding.
For the Christian man or woman who is seriously contemplating a dating relationship, you cannot consider it without seeing it as a trajectory toward marriage. That's why you can't afford on some subjective "magic" to be your primary guide. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and DO NOT LEAN ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING!! (Proverbs 3:5). In ALL YOUR WAYS acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths (Proverbs 3:5). I would take it that God intended this to be true even to this day and that it would include all things, including dating.
I find it a bit strange that those who would say they are Christians are less inclined to trust God and more inclined to trust human wisdom, when there has been more than enough evidence as to its failures. Just go to your local bookstore and check out the section on relationships and it is chock full of nonsense.
This is not to say that Christians automatically have everything work out perfectly, even though they might try their best to follow the right path. We live in a sinful world and even the most sincere Christians are not able to see everthing clearly. Yet we find hope in the sovereignty of God that He causes all things to work together for good. This is not an excuse to justify willful disobedience to God's Word - that is simply unacceptable. You should never presume on the grace of God to get away with sin. But it is to say that as you do trust in the Lord with all your heart, He will never give you something that you can't handle (1 Cor. 10:13) and He will provide all you need to make it through.
So instead of looking to illusions and deceptions, look to the God of truth who not only created the institution of marriage, but has the means by which to get there in a way that is consistent with His will.
This is seen in the whole world of dating where both men and women use worldly wisdom, if you could even call it wisdom, to make their decisions on what makes for a good partner. There are those who would entertain having a dating relationship with a non-believer. Scripture is clear on this point and while I sort of addressed it in passing, I realized that for some, they might have though it was just my opinion. It is not.
2 Corinthians 6:14-15
Do not be bound with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer with an unbeliever?
If you are thinking of entering into a relationship with an unbeliever just because you feel there is some "magic", you are truly deceived by the illusion that there could be a genuine and intimate love relationship that would be to the glory of God. How could you engage in a relationship with thoughts of marriage when marriage is to reflect the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church? If you do not agree on the most important issue of your standing with God, how will you have anything else in common that is of significance? You might enjoy the same music, have the same hobbies, and feel like you "click" but if the foundations are not built on the same Rock, I don't care how compatible you feel, e-harmony tests notwithstanding.
For the Christian man or woman who is seriously contemplating a dating relationship, you cannot consider it without seeing it as a trajectory toward marriage. That's why you can't afford on some subjective "magic" to be your primary guide. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and DO NOT LEAN ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING!! (Proverbs 3:5). In ALL YOUR WAYS acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths (Proverbs 3:5). I would take it that God intended this to be true even to this day and that it would include all things, including dating.
I find it a bit strange that those who would say they are Christians are less inclined to trust God and more inclined to trust human wisdom, when there has been more than enough evidence as to its failures. Just go to your local bookstore and check out the section on relationships and it is chock full of nonsense.
This is not to say that Christians automatically have everything work out perfectly, even though they might try their best to follow the right path. We live in a sinful world and even the most sincere Christians are not able to see everthing clearly. Yet we find hope in the sovereignty of God that He causes all things to work together for good. This is not an excuse to justify willful disobedience to God's Word - that is simply unacceptable. You should never presume on the grace of God to get away with sin. But it is to say that as you do trust in the Lord with all your heart, He will never give you something that you can't handle (1 Cor. 10:13) and He will provide all you need to make it through.
So instead of looking to illusions and deceptions, look to the God of truth who not only created the institution of marriage, but has the means by which to get there in a way that is consistent with His will.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Defining the Relationship
I have to admit, I was expecting a good turn out Sunday evening for the first night of the "DTR Series II" by Pastor John on dating and relationships, but I wasn't expecting THAT good of a turn out! It was encouraging to see people from other churches come out to visit us to hear about how to develop a biblical worldview in dating. It was even more encouraging to see a number of married people in the audience. It's so important for married people to establish a right understanding of dating and relationships. If we are going to uphold the Titus 2 principle of older men and women instructing younger men and women, we are going to need the older ones to have a proper understanding of the biblical principles that apply to dating.
Pastor John came right out of the gate explaining the importance of laying a solid foundation of theology if you want to understand the basics about dating and relationships. This might seem like a novel approach to some. Maybe it's because they don't see the relationship between theology and something as practical and tangible as dating. But seriously, if you are not rooted in the fundamentals of theology that means you do not have an adequate understanding of the sovereignty of God. I don't know how anyone survives "the dating game" without a good understanding of God's control. It also means that you may not be living entirely with the correct focus and motivation when seeking a relationship. It also means that you might not know what it takes to find comfort when things don't go your way... and in the pursuit of a dating relationship, things often don't go your way!
I'm really looking forward to this series because it will be interesting to see how different people seek to apply its principles. Regardless of whether it leads to more budding relationships or even some couples realizing they aren't adequately prepared to continue their relationship, hopefully people will walk away with a greater sense of God's will in dating. Hopefully people will seek to honor God in their pursuit of a relationship and in the relationship itself rather than simply striving to satisfy personal desires.
Pastor John came right out of the gate explaining the importance of laying a solid foundation of theology if you want to understand the basics about dating and relationships. This might seem like a novel approach to some. Maybe it's because they don't see the relationship between theology and something as practical and tangible as dating. But seriously, if you are not rooted in the fundamentals of theology that means you do not have an adequate understanding of the sovereignty of God. I don't know how anyone survives "the dating game" without a good understanding of God's control. It also means that you may not be living entirely with the correct focus and motivation when seeking a relationship. It also means that you might not know what it takes to find comfort when things don't go your way... and in the pursuit of a dating relationship, things often don't go your way!
I'm really looking forward to this series because it will be interesting to see how different people seek to apply its principles. Regardless of whether it leads to more budding relationships or even some couples realizing they aren't adequately prepared to continue their relationship, hopefully people will walk away with a greater sense of God's will in dating. Hopefully people will seek to honor God in their pursuit of a relationship and in the relationship itself rather than simply striving to satisfy personal desires.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Intro to DTR2
It was great to see so many people come out last night to the first meeting of DTR2. I hope to post my thoughts and highlight some points so that those who weren't there might be able to have something as well. We will hope to put the messages on audio and video possibly in the future.
Deconstructing a wrong world view is something that most of us don't think about because we don't think at a world view level. We typically just think for the moment and react to situations instead of examining the foundations of our thinking and see if what we have in place is solid. Many Christians don't realize that a lot of their thinking has been impacted by worldly philosophy, deception, and the traditions of man instead of the Word of God. It's no wonder that the decision making process that many utilize is so skewed because the working parts are not healthy and primed with the truth.
Colossians 2:8 says, "See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."
The Scriptures are clear in warning us from having the world be our primary influence. We must fight this because if we don't, we will find ourselves easily affected and distracted, not to mention deceived.
Romans 12:2 challenges us to not be conformed to this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. This is really a crucial point to consider, especially when we address the issue of dating relationships. I think that too many Christians have allowed their view toward dating relationships to be molded by the world to the point where there is no discernable difference in how they conduct themselves in the pursuit of a relationship, the maintaining of a relationship, and even in the ending of a relationship.
One of the things that many Christians will bring up is that the Bible doesn't explicitly say anything about dating. While the term "dating" or the concept is not mentioned directly (because they didn't have anything like that back in the day), the principles that one must employ are clearly given in Scripture. Exercising wisdom, discerning character, practicing sexual purity, learning to resolve conflicts, and many other issues that relate to dating relationships are addressed with clear instruction from our Lord through His Word.
One of the things that I presented was the use of the Reformation principles in the Sola statements. While I know I might have taken a little liberty in transferring the ideas, the principles still remain true.
Sola Scriptura - Scripture alone
Scripture alone is to be our authority when it comes to seeking wisdom and instruction for the issue of dating. Don't fall for the tickling ear preacher who just wants you to have your "dreams come true." The Word of God alone is sufficient to teach us, reprove us, correct us, and train us in righteousness in all areas of life, including dating relationships. Don't be a fool and place your trust in something other than God's Word.
Sola Gratia - Grace alone
Just as we are saved by grace alone, we are sustained in our Christian life by grace alone. God's grace is what is sufficient for us and we need to really look to His grace in dealing with the many challenges and trials that come in life, especially in dating relationships (or the lack thereof). Just as the apostle Paul found comfort in the grace of God alone when faced with the thorns in his life, so must we lay our lives in the hands of our gracious God in facing the rough and tumble world of dating relationships.
Sola Fide - Faith alone
Trusting in the Lord is vital as we cannot afford to try and manipulate things by our own wisdom or power. When things don't work out the way we hope for, faith in our good God who makes all things work together for good is something that will never fail us.
Solus Christus - Christ alone
Just as Christ alone is the way to salvation, Christ alone must be our first love. He cannot be challenged for the supremacy of our affections. Christ alone must be Lord. Christ must be the one that we submit our lives to and there can be no other challenge to His primacy. When we get involved in dating relationships, it is easy to let our dating partner take over our every waking thought and take the place of Christ in our affections. This is such a dangerous place to go - so don't go there.
Soli Deo Gloria - God's glory alone
Just as every part of our lives is to be to God's glory, even our eating and drinking, how we approach dating relationships must be considered with God's glory being at stake. We cannot afford to let any part, no matter how minor or mundane escape this point. Too many people want to carve out portions of their life for their own glory and fulfillment, even at the expense of bringing dishonor to God's name.
Remember what Jesus said about what you build your house on. You can build your house on the rock of His words, His truth, and when the storms come, your house will stand firm because your foundation is firm. But if you build your house on the sand of worldly opinion and empty deception, you will get slammed hard by the storms of reality and great will be your fall.
Inspect your foundations now - you might find it rotting with hardly anything to hold up your life. Replace it with the sure foundation of the solid rock of Christ and His truth - you will not regret it.
Deconstructing a wrong world view is something that most of us don't think about because we don't think at a world view level. We typically just think for the moment and react to situations instead of examining the foundations of our thinking and see if what we have in place is solid. Many Christians don't realize that a lot of their thinking has been impacted by worldly philosophy, deception, and the traditions of man instead of the Word of God. It's no wonder that the decision making process that many utilize is so skewed because the working parts are not healthy and primed with the truth.
Colossians 2:8 says, "See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."
The Scriptures are clear in warning us from having the world be our primary influence. We must fight this because if we don't, we will find ourselves easily affected and distracted, not to mention deceived.
Romans 12:2 challenges us to not be conformed to this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. This is really a crucial point to consider, especially when we address the issue of dating relationships. I think that too many Christians have allowed their view toward dating relationships to be molded by the world to the point where there is no discernable difference in how they conduct themselves in the pursuit of a relationship, the maintaining of a relationship, and even in the ending of a relationship.
One of the things that many Christians will bring up is that the Bible doesn't explicitly say anything about dating. While the term "dating" or the concept is not mentioned directly (because they didn't have anything like that back in the day), the principles that one must employ are clearly given in Scripture. Exercising wisdom, discerning character, practicing sexual purity, learning to resolve conflicts, and many other issues that relate to dating relationships are addressed with clear instruction from our Lord through His Word.
One of the things that I presented was the use of the Reformation principles in the Sola statements. While I know I might have taken a little liberty in transferring the ideas, the principles still remain true.
Sola Scriptura - Scripture alone
Scripture alone is to be our authority when it comes to seeking wisdom and instruction for the issue of dating. Don't fall for the tickling ear preacher who just wants you to have your "dreams come true." The Word of God alone is sufficient to teach us, reprove us, correct us, and train us in righteousness in all areas of life, including dating relationships. Don't be a fool and place your trust in something other than God's Word.
Sola Gratia - Grace alone
Just as we are saved by grace alone, we are sustained in our Christian life by grace alone. God's grace is what is sufficient for us and we need to really look to His grace in dealing with the many challenges and trials that come in life, especially in dating relationships (or the lack thereof). Just as the apostle Paul found comfort in the grace of God alone when faced with the thorns in his life, so must we lay our lives in the hands of our gracious God in facing the rough and tumble world of dating relationships.
Sola Fide - Faith alone
Trusting in the Lord is vital as we cannot afford to try and manipulate things by our own wisdom or power. When things don't work out the way we hope for, faith in our good God who makes all things work together for good is something that will never fail us.
Solus Christus - Christ alone
Just as Christ alone is the way to salvation, Christ alone must be our first love. He cannot be challenged for the supremacy of our affections. Christ alone must be Lord. Christ must be the one that we submit our lives to and there can be no other challenge to His primacy. When we get involved in dating relationships, it is easy to let our dating partner take over our every waking thought and take the place of Christ in our affections. This is such a dangerous place to go - so don't go there.
Soli Deo Gloria - God's glory alone
Just as every part of our lives is to be to God's glory, even our eating and drinking, how we approach dating relationships must be considered with God's glory being at stake. We cannot afford to let any part, no matter how minor or mundane escape this point. Too many people want to carve out portions of their life for their own glory and fulfillment, even at the expense of bringing dishonor to God's name.
Remember what Jesus said about what you build your house on. You can build your house on the rock of His words, His truth, and when the storms come, your house will stand firm because your foundation is firm. But if you build your house on the sand of worldly opinion and empty deception, you will get slammed hard by the storms of reality and great will be your fall.
Inspect your foundations now - you might find it rotting with hardly anything to hold up your life. Replace it with the sure foundation of the solid rock of Christ and His truth - you will not regret it.
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